i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
