They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
