maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
