never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize