Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
