my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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