thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
