I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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