DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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