big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
