At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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