I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
