I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
