I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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