This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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