I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
someone owes me an orgasm
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
