He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize