I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
