i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
