Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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