FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
