normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
