i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
