its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
