I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
