How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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