I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
