I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
