i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
