its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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