omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
