Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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