I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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