My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize