Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
