Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
