don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
