You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
