I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
