we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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