meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
