Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
