Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
