Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
