I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
