playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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