My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
