I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
