I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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