whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
