hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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