Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
