having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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