My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
