It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize