Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
