So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
