shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
