the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
