I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
