I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
