all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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