so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
