Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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