Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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