what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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