i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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