She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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