omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
