i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
