I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
