I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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