Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
