he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
