I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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