my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
