Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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