my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
