yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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