You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
