It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
