Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
