I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
