I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
