No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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