Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
