I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
