I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
