just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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