I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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