Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
