there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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