Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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