I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
