we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize