I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
