Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you had me at cake vodka
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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